Pretending to Worship?

What is worship? 

As a young child and through my early twenties, when I heard the word worship I imagined some type of musical setting at a church.  Worship, to me, was music.  It was a black and white understanding for me.  Today, I define worship as the out-working of the in-working of the Holy Spirit in my heart, wherein I am able to ascribe glory and honor to the great God of creation.  Ultimately what  I just defined as worship has nothing to do with music.  Instead, it has everything to do with my heart as a worshiper.  Worshiping God in this sense, can be the every day experience of the Christian, regardless of location or circumstance.  Isn’t that amazing?!  It is to me.  It is because I have been transformed by real worship of my King.

Where Do We Go Wrong?

It isn’t a matter of me pointing my finger at you saying “you are wrong”, but in exposing my own wrong misconception, I hope to shed light on the truth for those who may have the understanding of worship I once had.  The other day I heard someone speaking about worship in this way and my heart just sank to the floor!  I wanted so much to just shake the person and say “you’re missing the point entirely!”  But, instead of acting out emotionally, I hope to represent the truth of worship in the way I live for Christ.

Associating music to worship isn’t wrong.  I believe that music is a gift from God that we use as a way of expressing our worship to God.  This is absolutely not wrong!  In the Old Testament, David is a prime example of a worshiper of God.  He played musical instruments and danced before the Lord in worship!  There are so many examples in the Psalms especially, of David worshiping God with musical instruments and his voice.

It is good to praise the LORD and make music to your name, O Most High, proclaiming your love in the morning and your faithfulness at night, to the music of the ten-stringed lyre and the melody of the harp.  Psalm 92:1-3

A Testimony (of sorts)

If you have read back through any of my previous posts you’ll know that from childhood I was surrounded by charismatic worship music.  My testimony is that God unveiled my eyes to see Jesus; to worship Him instead of myself; to love Him instead of myself.  It may sound like I was a bit narcissistic…and I guess I was!  But ever since the Lord turned my life upside down, He has exposed things in my heart that I was completely ignorant of prior.  One of those things being that I was an utter hypocrite.  I portrayed myself as someone who worshiped God and loved Him, but inwardly I was dead.  I did not know this God that I pretended to worship all those years — on the platform in front of hundreds of people each week.  I was carnal and completely unloving.  I pretended to be godly, but my carnality raged like a lion within, completely untamed.  But, glory to God, whose unfailing love is better than life itself!  He is my saving grace; saving me from the bondage of sin; saving me from myself.

My Dilemma

And so to conclude, I have a dilemma.  Due to the dramatic nature of my salvation, I lack trust in people.  I have the most difficulty with people at church being real instead of playing the “godly game” like I did for so long.  My own knowledge of the person I used to be plagues my mind, producing skepticism and distrust of people in the church.  I end not with a plea for help, but only to say that I am working out my own salvation.  I don’t love being skeptical and lacking trust in people.  In fact, I despise myself sometimes.  Sometimes all I see is a person who looks nothing like her Savior.  But the truth is that I am being conformed into His image while I am working out my salvation with the help of the Holy Spirit.  Without Him I would still be the dead “Christian” playing the godly game, only pretending to worship.